Shosan Ceremony

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Friday, December 5, 1969

Previously described as intranscribable - now clearer

File name: 69-12-05N: untitled level low. [Verbatim transcript not available. (Sound problem.)]

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#please-transcribe, #improved-audio


Take me in your arms. Take me in your arms. There is no distance between my arms. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, on the last day of session, the waters aren't clear again, as you said they would be. Some of us need more time to clear our minds. Would you be patient with us? I wanted to have always much water, but sometimes, for a break, it doesn't seem to be water. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi.


Excuse me. I have no question. I think my small mind is so very big that it makes me afraid to hear the answers. Don't be afraid of the answer. You get a blessing, you get a curse. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi. Excuse me. I haven't any question, because I couldn't hear the answer anyway. Keep silent and practice.


Doshiro Roshi. Doshiro Roshi. In the warmth of our ancestors and descendants, what is it that cannot be returned? Without entering the act of eating, without doer or observer. Unmoved in the hands of our ancestors and descendants, what is it that can't be returned?


Nothing can be returned. But still, everything is going in such a sense. What kind of thing you are doing with your hands? If you don't hate each other, kind of. Thank you very much. I'm sad. Doshiro Roshi. I repudiated my attachment to the past, and I denied my interest in the future, because it would be just like the past. And I said to myself, there's nothing left but the pain in my legs, and even that melted away.


Still, there is so much of me left. Why? Something bad is also leaving. Nothing left at all. Thank you. Doshiro Roshi. I feel like I've been lost in my consciousness. What can I do to save myself?


Just because you are afraid of nothing, from which you actually come, don't be afraid of anything. Nothing, hunger, something, afraid of, will be the first step to their happiness. Yes, it's been painful, honestly. Don't be afraid. Thank you.


Doshiro Roshi. Doshiro Roshi. I feel like I've been lost in my consciousness. What can I do to save myself? I don't know. What can I do to save myself? Don't try to hear what it is. Doshiro Roshi, what must I do to be free from fear?


Free from fear. Free from fear, yes. Because of your practice, sincere practice, you reach the point, something to be afraid of. Nothing to fear. Instead of being afraid of it, you should try to enjoy it. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi. Sometimes open, sometimes closed. Doshiro Roshi.


No is everything. It's self and ego is also nothing. When you practice counting the minutes, five minutes, will it speak to your mind? No. No. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi. How may one even begin to learn detachment from forms that one has always loved deeply and purely? The only way is to do things at the right time in nature.


Try your best in your everyday activities. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi. Where is the entrance to my true home? Where is the entrance to my true home? Doshiro Roshi. If you have some doubt, come and sit down.


Doshiro Roshi. How do we know when we're being selfish? When you do something, not with a sense of practice and not for other people, but just because you're being yourself and because it's what you feel like, is that always selfish? Selfishness. Selfish and selfless. That's something for you to know. Only Buddha knows. So, if you have Buddha in your mind, that is how to be selfless. When you don't know which way you are going,


you should ask yourself which way you should go. That is unselfish. You should not hide things in your mind. As soon as you have a problem, ask it. I am not showing which way to go. I am showing that is unselfish. To be honest as you are now,


things have to be unselfish. Doshiro Roshi. Thank you. Good. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, what is compassion? Compassion. When you are right now, that is compassion. Doshiro Roshi,


Can you understand the question that I was asking now? Yes. Not fine yet. With what mind have you said that? I don't understand. I don't understand. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, Doshiro Roshi, what am I trying to smash? Your small mind. What I was trying to do is smashing. You were trying to smash it.


Your small mind trying to smash it. Why is the only thing that is smashed is my breath? Why? Why is the only thing I am able to smash is my breath? Did you smash your breath? Did you smash everything? You have seen it there. All you are is your breath. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, how old are we when we begin our practice? When you are having a talk,


you start to think in your mind, not in your small mind. You sit in class. You have to be good at it. We started our practice long, long time ago. I will continue to practice. And I think it is near to finish. Thank you very much.


Doshiro Roshi, the Sixth Patriarch says that Buddha nature is impermanent. Please explain. Buddha nature is permanent and impermanent. People think Buddha nature is permanent. That is why he said impermanent. He destroyed the idea of impermanence. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, high things, low things. Can you put this bamboo in its place? I still don't know my place.


Thank you very much. Thank you. Doshiro Roshi, can the mind become a table in this moment? Yes. I need this one. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, steep mountain side and a deep canyon. Cold lonely wind blows over the big mind. What will happen to my thoughts and desires down here?


All your thoughts and desires are wrong. Which does it mean? Is it that way? It is confusing. Confusing? Confusing is fire, and spring is negative mind. Today's challenge. I'll wait. Thank you very much. Thank you, Doshiro Roshi. Right now I see you.


I see your face. I see you. I see you. I see you from my chair. It's true that's the face of Buddha. But can you show me, can your stick show me the face of Buddha that I can't see? Yes, then you see. Only when you use it you will see. Doshiro Roshi,


I have a very deep ignorance. Why no questions? Because your mind is emptiness itself. Thank you. Thank you very much. Great mind. Doshiro Roshi, where will Buddha truly and deeply be found? Right here. You are Buddha. Yes. Thank you very much.


Doshiro Roshi, the harder I try, the more egocentric my effort becomes. I can't get out of the circle. So, is this something I should be concerned with? Yes, I see. Don't cooperate. Yes. Always accept. Try to find out truth. Truth itself. What you are coping with


is not truth. True one is right here. This is true self. Don't touch it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi,


I... It's okay. Okay. It's okay. Yeah. It's okay. Nothing wrong with you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Of course. Thank you. Yes. Doshiro Roshi,


no birth, no death, no form, no emptiness. Who is it sitting here in front of you? You didn't pass it. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi, I have no questions. I have no answers. The wind blows through me. Soon the winter rains will come. Thank you very much.


I'm also here and calling you. Thank you. Soon there will be no leaves in spring. Spring will come. Perhaps I can see when spring will come. But before winter comes, before winter comes, spring will come. Thank you very much.


Actually, there is no spring or no winter. We feel spring I really enjoy what I see. Doshiro Roshi, my big mind in relation to stones is relatively easy, but in relation to people, very difficult for me. Because I fear my anger, my greed, my intolerance, my impatience, my selfishness. At the same time, because of your love,


with so much love, you will survive. Only you can enjoy yourself, and only you can survive. When we have nothing to say, we can enjoy ourselves. We complete ourselves. Thank you very much. Doshiro Roshi. Doshiro Roshi,


everything is turning around. Sometimes it seems as though I'm sitting on my cushion, and sometimes my cushion is sitting on me. Are we practicing Buddhism, or is Buddhism practicing us? That is how things are going. Someone, sometimes teacher, study from students. Sometimes students study from teachers. I am slumbering now, weary of me, Itami, I'm Itami. Doshiro Roshi,


to me, the machine is yet to be there. That's right. Very true. Doshiro Roshi, You can call it in a box, block, sneak. How do I get out of the box? How do I cut a snake's head off? He's a black, arrogant snake.


Students, let's sleep. Why don't we go to bed, students? Green. He's a black, arrogant snake. Selfish and greedy. But bring it, the accident. You should go to it. There, everything, probably. What do you think is its most pleasant? It's the snake that wants more. If it's eating, it wants more.


If it's enjoying itself, it wants more. If it's sitting, it wants to sit more. It's a human being. It's always the same snake. For you, it should not be the same snake. The way you cope with it, to cope with conflict, you shouldn't be afraid. You should be more with it. Everything. Everything. All things. There. Everything. Don't go to it.


There is a separation between this shore and the other shore. There is no way to get across. If there is no separation, there is nowhere to go, there is nothing to do. Separation. No separation. It's different version of actual problem. Actual life. When you do something actually, one by one, there is difference.


I agree. Thank you. Dr. Orochi, when does the question become the answer? Question itself after answer. When you have question, you have answer at the same time. If you put your problem into question, then you have answer. But because you try to answer, after you have question, after you ask the problem,


if you have problem, then you put it in form of question. Don't try to seek for answer. No one can give you the answer. Even you shouldn't seek for the answer. One question, and after another question, in form of actual problem, you seek the answer. Thank you very much. If you, when you ask question, you, Dr. Orochi, you are putty. You are weight. You are someone else.


Man comes to kill me and my family. I have two choices, to kill the man or have him kill me and my family. As a Buddhist, what should I do? As a Buddhist, you should care yourself. Why should I deal with such trashy questions? When they have no meaning for me, they should not have any meaning for me. They are always with the past and the future. Thank you. We are here practicing. Without killing yourself or killing others. But, be aware.


If you practice, deserve for it. Thank you very much. Dr. Orochi, on the first day of Sashi, the conditioned mind rose like a star. And I saw how it got in the way of the present reality. On the second day of Sashi, I learned not to think of the future. On the third day, I saw that nothing lasts longer than attachments. On the fourth day, I experienced some difficulties.


On the fifth day, because of a certain strength that arose, I experienced the pride of holding on. On the sixth day, I experienced the pride of letting go, because I no longer cared whether I breathed or not. Now, on the seventh day, I come before you with this question. How should I understand the pride? Pride will be enabled when you become a teacher.


Before you become a teacher, you will have to practice. After you become a teacher, you will not have any pride, because you are sincere. You will gather as a slave like this. You will not have any pride. You have pride. Change your position. You think about it more. Change my position. Change my position means what?


Right now, maybe, you should continue to practice. If you don't, you have problems. And when it seems you cannot understand, that is all right, please continue to practice like this until you have something like this. Okay? Thank you very much. Thank you. Doja Roshi, why do we keep our eyes open when we sit? That is


not to have so many ideas and images in your mind. You keep your eyes open. Please give up your practice things. Then breathe. Doja Roshi, is great doubt completely pure? Great doubt? Great doubt, did you say? Yes. Great doubt. If it is not pure,


it is not great doubt. Great doubt is very good. Doubt is good. In everything. And you take care of everything. Without arrogance, without any preconceived ideas, and you live in this, in this kindness, in this great kindness. So, it is called great doubt. It is pure. Okay.


Doja Roshi, it is so deep and powerful, deep and subtle, that one can... you are in the center, you are in the center, and you are here. Hmm. Because you came, you can suffer. You see for yourself. And because you didn't find out, something you don't get,


it is a hard thing. That is why you have to get out, because because you wanted to know, to make it clear. You came here, and practiced. But now, still you don't know how to make clear, where to go. Perhaps, if you continue with that kind of bliss, you will not feel anything.


Always you have to recall and doubt. So, I am singing now, that is the practice, that is the practice. You will cut out here. Okay. Don Shorouchi, after my death, will it be the same regardless of my practice? It cannot be the same. If you are not going upward, you are going downward.